Heartaches

I have heard things described as there being no pain like losing a child, but can there be a pain for losing a child you never had. I have been struggling for days on whether to post this or not and how to post this. It seems that things with the adoption are not going to happen as we had hoped, and this hurts my heart in ways that I cannot describe. 


We have only a couple months left to sign a contract with AWAA our agency and get our homestudy rolling. However, we are probably further from the funds to do so than we were 3 months ago when we applied for the adoption. Why? Well, we moved, and despite my efforts, I have yet to receive a job offer. I have had about 10 interviews including some second interviews. Sure Drew's job handles our bills, but that leaves nothing left to pay extra to decrease our debt let alone pay the $5,000 to just start the adoption process. 


Also as some know, the Ethiopian government has decided to reduce the number of international adoptions by 90%. Hence why we looked into domestic adoption options. Even if somehow we came up with the funds (doubtful), we may not be able to continue down the path of Ethiopian adoption. We are looking into alternatives, but the funds just don't seem to be there.


It seems that being a mom by adoption is nothing but a pipe dream right now with regards to the cost. We even looked into a domestic agency that handled newborn adoptions, they were even MORE expensive! Sure, we could start trying for our own children again, but I have also been told by doctors that I won't be able to get pregnant with out fertility treatments which takes more money and may not succeed leaving nothing but heartache. 


Please don't tell me that I still have time or that it will all happen in the Lord's timing. I know all that in my head, my heart is just grieving. I see all these young, single mothers and wonder, "Why them, Lord and not me?" I know that may seem selfish. Please just pray for me and Drew as the realization sets in that becoming parents may still be years and years away instead of months.

Settling In

It is still hard to believe that we left our home in Texas a little over one month ago. It feels like a whirlwind of a journey, and in many ways, it has been a whirlwind. The first week we were in our new home state, we lived out of a hotel room. At the end of the week, we got to move in! Good news; sure it was, but it came at the cost of four flights of stairs for each load and sore muscles. However to have the view we have on a daily basis, the pain is worth it.

In many ways, I still feel like I am living in a dream. I suppose I will feel that way until I start working full-time. I love the fact that both Andrew and I love everything about living here (except the stairs)!


The reason things have been such a whirlwind is we have had a constant back and forth motion. Our first week was a whirlwind of moving with the help of Drew's mom & sister for which I am very grateful. Not sure how we would have faired without their help. Two days after Wendy & Rachel left, I flew out to visit my family in Indiana for a week (week 2 of living in Washington). It was great to visit my family and spend quality time with them. I just felt like I had unfinished business in getting settled here.


Week three of living in Washington, my mom came out to help me settle in. Her help has helped to make things more of a home here. We still have a lot to unpack though. However, this week also consisted of quite a few back and forth trips to Seattle for interviews. Last week (week four), saw another interview in Seattle, my mom leaving to go back home, and meeting up with friends from Texas that were up here for business.


This week has already consisted of one interview and another one scheduled for tomorrow. I must say that I will be grateful to have a job just so I have a consistent schedule. I am trying not to be discouraged that I don't have a job yet, but it's difficult. I know that the Lord has a specific place in mind for me in which I can grow and affect those around me.


As for Andrew's job, he absolutely loves it. His boss is very flexible and has told Drew that he can work around the traffic schedule. Which means that his commute is only about 20 minutes because there is no traffic when he goes to work and comes home. He usually works from 6:30-2:30. This also gives him more time in the evening to spend with me. He also really enjoys working with his boss. He is doing what he has wanted to do....design work. I am so happy to see him happy with what he does. 


We are enjoying the opportunities to explore our new neighborhood and find where we would like to settle down to buy a house or land to build a house. I am excited to see where God places us next. Please keep praying for us as we continue with our transitions.

Moving to Washington

Wow! My apologies for my delay in posting. We have been busy settling in to our new place. Not to mention I spent a week in Indiana. I'm getting ahead of myself though; let me start with our journey to our new home.

We started our journey at midnight on Friday, February 18th. It took us all day to get out of Texas (about 800 miles), but at least the drive was easy if not exhausting!

On Saturday, we drove about 900 miles including through a dust storm in New Mexico and Arizona. The funny part was that in Phoenix, which only gets rain about 3 times a year, it was raining when we drove through. We also got to see Drew's cousin Becky at Starbuck's in L.A. on Saturday. Our scariest adventure for Saturday was just north of L.A. in the Los Angeles National Forest, where it only snows about once a year. We just happened to be driving through that one time a year of snow at night and in a mountainous area that we were unfamiliar with. 

Just east of L.A. (Palm Springs) wind farms.

Sunday was another easy drive of about 800 miles through beautiful northern California and Oregon.

Northern California

Beautiful Oregon

Monday, we finally reached our first destination in our new home state! Here we met up with Wendy and Rachel who flew in to help us move! We decided to visit Forks, Washington along the coast. Which just like the books (Twilight) state, there isn't much there! However, we found a decent hotel that was inexspensive and took the dogs. We also were able to visit the Washington coast which was, as expected, FREEZING!

Washington coast, LaPush Beach

On Thursday, February 24th, we drove from the coast to Bellevue where we stayed our last night before moving into our apartment in Issaquah! However the day we drove, a snow storm happened to be passing through the area as well. The whole way around the Olypmic Penninsula was snow covered.

I will hopefully be able to post more pictures soon along with an update on how we are settling in and how the adoption is going. Please be praying for our adoption and the Lord's leading. Ethiopian adoptions are on the rocks right now and things may be changing as to where we adopt from due to these issues. Please pray for the Lord's guidance for us and for the country of Ethiopia.

Below is a preview picture of close to where we live!

Snoqualmie Falls (about 15 minutes from home!)



Changes

For the past 2.5 weeks, Andrew and I have been packing up our lives here in Texas. As I am writing this, I am surrounded by boxes of the mementos of our lives together. It seems surreal to be moving across country. For the past five years, I have called Longview, Texas a surrogate home. Three of those years have been spent actually making this place home with Drew and work at LeTourneau. However, now the time has come to say goodbye to friends and family here and began the journey to a new part of life in Washington. Looking back, I can see God's hand throughout our time in Texas. He brought us together and taught us to rely solely on Him and each other. I know that God's hand is in our move and the opportunities that have been presented to us in Washington.  


Along with that, we have been in the process of trying to find a place to call home in Washington state from Texas. This was been harder than we originally thought it would be mainly because we are going fairly blind. Our best thoughts and feelings couldn't have prepared us for the reviews on apartment complexes. We actually had applied for an apartment complex fairly close to Andrew's work. However when we started doing more research on the complex we came across reviews that said "unsafe, gang violence, and prostitution." Can anyone say SCARY!?!?! I know that reviews tend to bring out the worst in a place, but still the reviews were pretty specific. 


So, we decided to change complexes to some place a little further out (and closer to the mountains!). We are going to be moving to Issaquah, Washington - straight east of Seattle. We will only be about 30 minutes from the ski slopes and only about 25 minutes from downtown Seattle! Granted for this wonderful 2 bedroom apartment plus a loft, we have to be on the fourth floor of the building. Oh well, at least we won't hear anyone above us as well, we have 20+ foot ceilings along with a fireplace and a garage, not to mention a SAFE neighborhood! We are just a hop-skip-and jump to an elementary school.


I am looking forward to what all God has in store for us in this new adventure! Sure I am scared out of my mind and praying for a job to open up quickly for me, but I know whatever else He has planned will be as marvelous as what He has already shown us!

Moving & Adoption Store

Thank you, everyone for your continued prayers for us! Ever since we got accepted for the adoption process, I feel as if we have been stagnant, not moving forward. This has been very difficult for me as I am a very impatient person. I am beyond ready to bring our baby home, yet we haven't even begun the home study and all the paperwork involved! However now I realize that it was because the Lord had something else planned for us first.

We are excited to state that we are moving! Though if you have seen my information on Facebook, you already knew that. We will be moving right around Valentine's day. Right now our goal is to move out of our apartment on the 13th or 14th and move in to our Kent apartment within the week. We are planning to see the Grand Canyon and San Francisco on our way up to Washington state! I will let you all know our address when I get it!

Our other extremely exciting news is that our Adoption Bug T-shirt website is up and available! YAY!!! There are six t-shirts available to purchase. The commissions will be able to go to helping out with our adoption expenses which as you may have noticed in our previous blog are quite a bit! We appreciate any help and prayer that we can get!

The Lord is working and moving in our lives and we are very thankful! We are praying that I am able to find a job soon after we get up to Washington. We have no doubt that the Lord will bless that! I have had some major encouragement from people at LeTourneau that are putting in a good word for me at colleges up there. We are so blessed!

Oh, Baby!

Ok, so I apologize for the delay in updates. Life has gotten away from us. Many of you already know from family or Facebook that Andrew and I have been accepted to continue our adoption process with America World Adoption Agency. We will be adopting a baby boy or girl from Ethiopia in whatever time frame the Lord sees fit.  We found out our acceptance to the program on our 3^rd anniversary! There is no more perfect of a gift we could ask for! We hope to complete the process in one year; however many pieces of the puzzle must fall in to place before this can happen.

So many people ask, “Ok, so what is next?” Good question! The most major item on our agenda is to ask for prayer as this process takes root. We know that without the Lord’s blessing and guidance we will stay stagnant in our attempts to move forward with this adoption. Now to work on the “roots” of the process with the Lord’s blessing. This part is called the “paper pregnancy.” In order to move on to the next steps of the “paper pregnancy,” we need to come up with $5,000. This initial start-up cost covers the background check, home-study, and initial agency fee. Wow, $5,000 up front!!! This is only about 1/5^th of the cost of the adoption. 

What in the world is all that money going for you may ask? Well, here is the breakdown for you:

• $5,000 – AWAA program fees
• $2,000 - Home study
• $175 - Adoptive parent training
• $500 - Background checks & documentation
• $400 - Document notarization, certification, authentication
• $150 - Courier Service
• $1,000 - Post-Placement deposit
• Dossier Service & translation
• $7,500 - Orphanage donation/international fee
• $250 - International specialist consultation
• $1,400 - $2,500 - 1st trip in-country travel (2 adults)
• $2,400 - $4,000 - 1st trip airfare (2 adults)
• $1,400 - $2,500 - 2nd trip in-country travel (2 adults)
• $2,400 - $4,000 - 2nd trip airfare (2 adults)
• $400 - Child visa/embassy fee (1 child)
• $700 - $2,500 - Post adoption costs
• $100 - $1,000 – miscellaneous costs (doctor visit, social security card, postage, long distance calls, etc.)

We have had many people question our desire to adopt, especially internationally. In all actuality, we have done our research. Unless you are adopting from the foster care system, the cost is relatively similar with money being reallocated to helping with birthmother costs and marketing yourself as prospective parents. Don’t get me wrong, I applaud the parents that decide to go this route. I am also very thankful for the birthmothers that decide to give their children up for adoption instead of taking the “easy” way out with abortion. For us, it wasn’t really the cost that made up our minds. It was the desire that the Lord has placed on our lives for international missions. Part of this is, I believe, is international adoption.

We talked about taking a loan out to cover part of the amount, but we have talked with a friend of ours that told us to let people know our hearts and let God work. We do not want to ask for money necessarily, but prayer. However if you feel the call to help financially, please know that we will see any help as a major blessing on our path to making the dream of becoming parents a reality.

We know that God is in control of the finances and how quickly the adoption process goes. We are looking to set up a couple different fundraisers to help with the cost. One will hopefully be through Adoption Bug. Another will be some sort of coffee fundraiser. We would also love to have a garage sale, if anyone is willing and able to donate a garage to us to have one in.

We continue to covet and desire your prayers, love, and support throughout the process! Our lead verse for this adoption process is Matthew 18:5, “And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.” Please post this verse somewhere to remind yourself to pray for Andrew and I as we continue down this road!

Words

Do you realize how some words seem so innocent until they are used to describe you or the situation that you are in? For example the word overweight, innocent enough right? When you look at another person who is technically “overweight” by a few pounds, it’s sometimes difficult to tell that they are. However when we as individuals tip the scale just a pound or two over our goal weight or our range for our height, we freak out and increase the workout or decrease the eating. We have built in our minds that we stepped out of what should be normal and perfect.

Something similar just happened to me about a week ago just with a different word. Infertility. This is the one word that no woman ever wants to hear about herself. For me this wasn’t going to be a problem. Why? Because ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of adopting. My parents can attest to the fact that I was always one to watch “Adoption Stories” on Discovery Health and even ask them to adopt a little brother or sister for me. Alas, adoption was not part of my childhood, but I knew it would be a part of my life as a parent. Fortunately, I found someone that shares this dream of mine.

So why did this word affect me so much when the doctor said that “You and your husband are struggling with infertility.”? We were already aware that we were going to struggle with getting pregnant, so how can one little word cause emotional mayhem? In our heads, we both knew that this wasn’t the end of the line. We still have many fertility options, and we both want to adopt. However, hearing that you are “nonovulatory” can hurt a woman’s ego as much as a man who is told that their swimmers were not swimming. It’s not even so much my ego that hurt as it was my heart even though my head knew that everything would be okay.

Sure we both still want to adopt, but we also would like to have biological children. Both would be a blessing from God. We are still struggling with our options of what to do first as both fertility and adoption can be very expensive and an emotional roller-coaster.  Some would tell us, “You guys are young just give it time.” And yes, they are right we do have time. However, we are trying to get our options figured out for the time being. So all this boils down to is, we are asking for prayer in our guidance from the Lord. He is our strength in times of trouble!