Do you realize how some words seem so innocent until they are used to describe you or the situation that you are in? For example the word overweight, innocent enough right? When you look at another person who is technically “overweight” by a few pounds, it’s sometimes difficult to tell that they are. However when we as individuals tip the scale just a pound or two over our goal weight or our range for our height, we freak out and increase the workout or decrease the eating. We have built in our minds that we stepped out of what should be normal and perfect.
Something similar just happened to me about a week ago just with a different word. Infertility. This is the one word that no woman ever wants to hear about herself. For me this wasn’t going to be a problem. Why? Because ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of adopting. My parents can attest to the fact that I was always one to watch “Adoption Stories” on Discovery Health and even ask them to adopt a little brother or sister for me. Alas, adoption was not part of my childhood, but I knew it would be a part of my life as a parent. Fortunately, I found someone that shares this dream of mine.
So why did this word affect me so much when the doctor said that “You and your husband are struggling with infertility.”? We were already aware that we were going to struggle with getting pregnant, so how can one little word cause emotional mayhem? In our heads, we both knew that this wasn’t the end of the line. We still have many fertility options, and we both want to adopt. However, hearing that you are “nonovulatory” can hurt a woman’s ego as much as a man who is told that their swimmers were not swimming. It’s not even so much my ego that hurt as it was my heart even though my head knew that everything would be okay.
Sure we both still want to adopt, but we also would like to have biological children. Both would be a blessing from God. We are still struggling with our options of what to do first as both fertility and adoption can be very expensive and an emotional roller-coaster. Some would tell us, “You guys are young just give it time.” And yes, they are right we do have time. However, we are trying to get our options figured out for the time being. So all this boils down to is, we are asking for prayer in our guidance from the Lord. He is our strength in times of trouble!
Thanks for sharing your heart Heidi. Words do hurt. Thankfully, God knows your deepest desires. I will be praying for you that God gives you all you desire and more.
ReplyDeleteWe want your cup to be overflowing with the desires of yours and Andrew's hearts. God has big plans for the both of you...we just do not know what they are yet. HUGS and KISSES Heidi. mama
ReplyDeleteHeidi & Drew - I am praying for you both. I have so many friends who have had to hear those same disappointing words, who now have adopted children of their own and realize that it was all part of God's master plan. It doesn't make the words hurt any less...it's like losing a loved one. It doesn't mean that you're not going to mourn, but we do have a promise that God will give us a hope and a future. And although, we might think that OUR plans seem best, once we experience what God had planned we realize the blessing that truly awaits. Through great heartache comes even bigger blessings. I will pray for you during this time, that God will show Himself to you. Love ya!
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