I have heard things described as there being no pain like losing a child, but can there be a pain for losing a child you never had. I have been struggling for days on whether to post this or not and how to post this. It seems that things with the adoption are not going to happen as we had hoped, and this hurts my heart in ways that I cannot describe.
We have only a couple months left to sign a contract with AWAA our agency and get our homestudy rolling. However, we are probably further from the funds to do so than we were 3 months ago when we applied for the adoption. Why? Well, we moved, and despite my efforts, I have yet to receive a job offer. I have had about 10 interviews including some second interviews. Sure Drew's job handles our bills, but that leaves nothing left to pay extra to decrease our debt let alone pay the $5,000 to just start the adoption process.
Also as some know, the Ethiopian government has decided to reduce the number of international adoptions by 90%. Hence why we looked into domestic adoption options. Even if somehow we came up with the funds (doubtful), we may not be able to continue down the path of Ethiopian adoption. We are looking into alternatives, but the funds just don't seem to be there.
It seems that being a mom by adoption is nothing but a pipe dream right now with regards to the cost. We even looked into a domestic agency that handled newborn adoptions, they were even MORE expensive! Sure, we could start trying for our own children again, but I have also been told by doctors that I won't be able to get pregnant with out fertility treatments which takes more money and may not succeed leaving nothing but heartache.
Please don't tell me that I still have time or that it will all happen in the Lord's timing. I know all that in my head, my heart is just grieving. I see all these young, single mothers and wonder, "Why them, Lord and not me?" I know that may seem selfish. Please just pray for me and Drew as the realization sets in that becoming parents may still be years and years away instead of months.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Settling In
It is still hard to believe that we left our home in Texas a little over one month ago. It feels like a whirlwind of a journey, and in many ways, it has been a whirlwind. The first week we were in our new home state, we lived out of a hotel room. At the end of the week, we got to move in! Good news; sure it was, but it came at the cost of four flights of stairs for each load and sore muscles. However to have the view we have on a daily basis, the pain is worth it.
In many ways, I still feel like I am living in a dream. I suppose I will feel that way until I start working full-time. I love the fact that both Andrew and I love everything about living here (except the stairs)!
The reason things have been such a whirlwind is we have had a constant back and forth motion. Our first week was a whirlwind of moving with the help of Drew's mom & sister for which I am very grateful. Not sure how we would have faired without their help. Two days after Wendy & Rachel left, I flew out to visit my family in Indiana for a week (week 2 of living in Washington). It was great to visit my family and spend quality time with them. I just felt like I had unfinished business in getting settled here.
Week three of living in Washington, my mom came out to help me settle in. Her help has helped to make things more of a home here. We still have a lot to unpack though. However, this week also consisted of quite a few back and forth trips to Seattle for interviews. Last week (week four), saw another interview in Seattle, my mom leaving to go back home, and meeting up with friends from Texas that were up here for business.
This week has already consisted of one interview and another one scheduled for tomorrow. I must say that I will be grateful to have a job just so I have a consistent schedule. I am trying not to be discouraged that I don't have a job yet, but it's difficult. I know that the Lord has a specific place in mind for me in which I can grow and affect those around me.
As for Andrew's job, he absolutely loves it. His boss is very flexible and has told Drew that he can work around the traffic schedule. Which means that his commute is only about 20 minutes because there is no traffic when he goes to work and comes home. He usually works from 6:30-2:30. This also gives him more time in the evening to spend with me. He also really enjoys working with his boss. He is doing what he has wanted to do....design work. I am so happy to see him happy with what he does.
We are enjoying the opportunities to explore our new neighborhood and find where we would like to settle down to buy a house or land to build a house. I am excited to see where God places us next. Please keep praying for us as we continue with our transitions.
The reason things have been such a whirlwind is we have had a constant back and forth motion. Our first week was a whirlwind of moving with the help of Drew's mom & sister for which I am very grateful. Not sure how we would have faired without their help. Two days after Wendy & Rachel left, I flew out to visit my family in Indiana for a week (week 2 of living in Washington). It was great to visit my family and spend quality time with them. I just felt like I had unfinished business in getting settled here.
Week three of living in Washington, my mom came out to help me settle in. Her help has helped to make things more of a home here. We still have a lot to unpack though. However, this week also consisted of quite a few back and forth trips to Seattle for interviews. Last week (week four), saw another interview in Seattle, my mom leaving to go back home, and meeting up with friends from Texas that were up here for business.
This week has already consisted of one interview and another one scheduled for tomorrow. I must say that I will be grateful to have a job just so I have a consistent schedule. I am trying not to be discouraged that I don't have a job yet, but it's difficult. I know that the Lord has a specific place in mind for me in which I can grow and affect those around me.
As for Andrew's job, he absolutely loves it. His boss is very flexible and has told Drew that he can work around the traffic schedule. Which means that his commute is only about 20 minutes because there is no traffic when he goes to work and comes home. He usually works from 6:30-2:30. This also gives him more time in the evening to spend with me. He also really enjoys working with his boss. He is doing what he has wanted to do....design work. I am so happy to see him happy with what he does.
We are enjoying the opportunities to explore our new neighborhood and find where we would like to settle down to buy a house or land to build a house. I am excited to see where God places us next. Please keep praying for us as we continue with our transitions.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Moving to Washington
Wow! My apologies for my delay in posting. We have been busy settling in to our new place. Not to mention I spent a week in Indiana. I'm getting ahead of myself though; let me start with our journey to our new home.
We started our journey at midnight on Friday, February 18th. It took us all day to get out of Texas (about 800 miles), but at least the drive was easy if not exhausting!
Sunday was another easy drive of about 800 miles through beautiful northern California and Oregon.
Monday, we finally reached our first destination in our new home state! Here we met up with Wendy and Rachel who flew in to help us move! We decided to visit Forks, Washington along the coast. Which just like the books (Twilight) state, there isn't much there! However, we found a decent hotel that was inexspensive and took the dogs. We also were able to visit the Washington coast which was, as expected, FREEZING!
On Thursday, February 24th, we drove from the coast to Bellevue where we stayed our last night before moving into our apartment in Issaquah! However the day we drove, a snow storm happened to be passing through the area as well. The whole way around the Olypmic Penninsula was snow covered.
I will hopefully be able to post more pictures soon along with an update on how we are settling in and how the adoption is going. Please be praying for our adoption and the Lord's leading. Ethiopian adoptions are on the rocks right now and things may be changing as to where we adopt from due to these issues. Please pray for the Lord's guidance for us and for the country of Ethiopia.
Below is a preview picture of close to where we live!
We started our journey at midnight on Friday, February 18th. It took us all day to get out of Texas (about 800 miles), but at least the drive was easy if not exhausting!
On Saturday, we drove about 900 miles including through a dust storm in New Mexico and Arizona. The funny part was that in Phoenix, which only gets rain about 3 times a year, it was raining when we drove through. We also got to see Drew's cousin Becky at Starbuck's in L.A. on Saturday. Our scariest adventure for Saturday was just north of L.A. in the Los Angeles National Forest, where it only snows about once a year. We just happened to be driving through that one time a year of snow at night and in a mountainous area that we were unfamiliar with.
Just east of L.A. (Palm Springs) wind farms.
Sunday was another easy drive of about 800 miles through beautiful northern California and Oregon.
Northern California
Beautiful Oregon
Monday, we finally reached our first destination in our new home state! Here we met up with Wendy and Rachel who flew in to help us move! We decided to visit Forks, Washington along the coast. Which just like the books (Twilight) state, there isn't much there! However, we found a decent hotel that was inexspensive and took the dogs. We also were able to visit the Washington coast which was, as expected, FREEZING!
Washington coast, LaPush Beach
On Thursday, February 24th, we drove from the coast to Bellevue where we stayed our last night before moving into our apartment in Issaquah! However the day we drove, a snow storm happened to be passing through the area as well. The whole way around the Olypmic Penninsula was snow covered.
I will hopefully be able to post more pictures soon along with an update on how we are settling in and how the adoption is going. Please be praying for our adoption and the Lord's leading. Ethiopian adoptions are on the rocks right now and things may be changing as to where we adopt from due to these issues. Please pray for the Lord's guidance for us and for the country of Ethiopia.
Below is a preview picture of close to where we live!
Snoqualmie Falls (about 15 minutes from home!)
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